I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
