I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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