9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
