I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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