Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
