I just threw up on my dentist
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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