Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
