Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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