How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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