What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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