Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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