6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm too high and old for this...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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