**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
