6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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