Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
