He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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