Porn is love you can see.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
