the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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