im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
