Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That's intense
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
