my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
