I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
