You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
