I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
