He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
