She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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