Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
