just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
