a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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