This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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