Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
