The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
