So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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