Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
