Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
