And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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