I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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