it's too hot outside to masturbate.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
