Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
