you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its about making memories worth repressing
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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