Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
