Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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