I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
