So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
