If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
