If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
