My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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