drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
