I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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