dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize