last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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