I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
