stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
