Welp...herpes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize