Need sex. Gaining weight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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