Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
