it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
