I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
