Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
