Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
