Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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