dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
