allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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