Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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