Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
