I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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