Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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