my phone needs a breathalizer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize