I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
