When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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