Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
