remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
