if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
