You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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