We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
