Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
