i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
