i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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