i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
