Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
