everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
