I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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