yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize