So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you had me at cake vodka
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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