You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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