I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize