Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
