well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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