whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
